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A Gentleman's Everyday Situation Guide

Monday, 19 October 2009 10:15

 

A gentleman never begins a speech by addressing the crowd as "ladies and gentlemen" as there can only be one gentleman in the crowd at a time.

 

 

The drinking vessel of the gentleman is neither half full or half empty because a gentleman is neither a pessimist or an optimist, he's merely a realist.

 

 

Let it never be said that the gentleman has an expensive or inexpensive taste, he merely knows the true worth of his satisfaction.

 


A gentleman never engages in commerce with the ladies of the night, he merely recompenses fairly to those who satisfy his needs.

 

 
Saturday, 23 May 2009 23:25

 

The striding gentleman never increases pace in order to get somewhere faster as he is always one step ahead.

 

 

A dancing gentleman is never out of step fore the band have the sensibility to play in time with his movements.

 

 

Furthermore a dancing gentleman never dances to the song but the song appears as if it has been specifically composed to compliment the Gentleman's steps.

 


Though the gentleman always has an umbrella at hand, he has no need for it during a rain storm as his deft movements make him glide between the droplets, though to you or I it would appear he is just walking as normal. The umbrella is there for the sole purpose of escorting a lady through the rain storm.

 

 
Saturday, 23 May 2009 10:36

 

A gentleman does not raise his voice, rather the ambient noise quietens to suit the volume of his voice.

 

 

Though it may first appear the gentleman inflicts pain and suffering with his words and actions, these lessons are in fact preparing you for life ahead.

 

 

A gentleman never raises his hand to a woman, though will often raise his eyebrow in astonishment at the absurdity of her imprudence.

 


When a gentleman arrives two minutes late you can rest assured your clock is three minutes fast.

 

 
Wednesday, 25 February 2009 01:28

 

The gentleman never cooks, he merely assembles his desired ingredients near a heat source and after a period of quiet reflection, consumes the delectable results.

 

 

A gentleman does not need to be notified, the gentleman already knows.

 

 

A gentleman does not need to walk, the shoes and the cane walk the gentleman.

 


The gentleman has no need to retain facts for the facts will present themselves at the opportune moment.

 

 
Wednesday, 25 February 2009 01:23


A gentleman is not in the middle of the crowd, everyone is gathered around him.

 


A gentleman does not ski, the gentleman merely stands still while the globe rotates the ground beneath him making it appear as if he was skiing.

 

 

The gentleman does not have a schedule, others have schedules to meet the demands of the gentleman.

 


When two gentlemen adjust their path in the street, though it may appear that they do so to avoid a collision, they in fact had both intended to make the adjustment regardless of the encounter.

 
Wednesday, 25 February 2009 01:19

 

The gentleman never waits he merely passes time until those around him are ready.

 


The gentleman does not sit he merely squats above the seat to give the illusion he is sitting, at rest if you will, but the gentleman is always alert and ready.

 

 

A gentleman never threatens a lady, he merely informs her of the grave consequences of her actions.

 


The gentleman doesn't engage in commerce with the deceptive, he merely deceives them into believing he does.